The blessing bowl and the fear XVIII

Door San Daniel gepubliceerd in Verhalen en Poëzie


"Maybe I want to approach it all too intellectually," I thought, "maybe life is a chaos and you just have to accept that, without asking too many questions, You mustn't want to understand everything. Okay there had been a few deaths, a soldier from the Salvation Army had suffered a stroke, three previous owners had not survived the purchase of our house. In itself, all that was still acceptable in a normal framework, of reality as we accept it. "

"Hello have you gone mad," my inner voice called out to me, almost furiously! 'You know, you really know how it really is. You were approached, you were chosen by something or whatever, your wrist was taken possession of. Soon it may be your whole body, it invades your dreams and inflicts harm on people around you, hello are we awake again!

I was awake but pushed my alter ego away. I didn't want to know or ponder. "You are  having one of your days again," my dear said, "you are very quiet lately." "I think a lot of late," I answered truthfully. "About life in general and whether our society is just a thin shell of civilization with hidden beneath it, in layers, primal forces of which we have forgotten the existence of."

"Those are deep thoughts for such a beautiful clear day as today," my dear laughed. "Maybe you can get the bins in before dark. It gets dark so quickly here. " She was right about that, the evening fell fast and the thought made me shiver just like that, how would I sleep, if at all, wouldn't I be lured into dark caves again?

"Of course I will get them in," I said. 'You are right you know kids might mess them about if we leave them out,' but in reality, my other reality, I thought of the two Indians who had dug through our bin and most likely had found the bowl and had  touched it, and had carried it between the empty plastic bottles and were now flat out in the morgue with a ltlle name card from their toe. As far as the smeared out Indian would still have had a toe.


On the other side of the alley, past the garbage cans, I saw my neighbor dragging a ladder to the backside of his house. I watched him through the window facing the backyard for a moment, he carefully lowered the ladder and slowly climbed up it. When he was at the top he put his left hand in the gutter and pulled out a handful of leaves. I saw that his left hand was light yellow. "He put on a washing up glove," I realized. He descended again and shifted the ladder a meter and climbed up again to repeat the ritual. He immediately descended again and tilted the ladder a little more. Then he went up carefully again. "He does well," I thought, "he takes no risks."

I put on my coat and walked to the back garden and froze in the middle of a step, because I thought I'd had seen a fleeing dark shape near the large pine tree. Sometimes you have that, you think that you have seen something from the corners of your eyes. I noticed that it had been running from the coal chute, which now had a padlock on the hatch, to the tree. I shook it off and continued my walk towards the back gate.

I heard heavy breathing behind me and then one drum beat. I almost let out a scream of fright. I changed my direction as if I was walking to my shed but the breathing went with me. It was not my own breath because if I held my breath, the slow, heavy breathing still continued very close behind me.

Suddenly I turned around in a flash and I saw a black shadow rush away and I didn't know why, but I was almost sure it was a female form. Not the dark-looking woman who had donated the dish, she had, by the way, been absorbed into the noble nothingness, or the oblivion or just give it a name, according to my house demon. All in all I had started to cite the gravelvoice as confirmation of things I didn't know how they had taken place.

The pool of oblivion, that was something from my study many years ago, from Historical literature, I decided to google it later, it had been so, so very long ago that I had followed those lectures, something from Greek myths, I thought. "Narcissus," I suddenly knew with certainty.



The shadow shrank and turned into a black ball that raced past me and then took a bump over the fence and I knew what was going to happen and I saw the black ball grow again and I held my hand in front of my mouth, I appeared to be nailed down. It increased in speed and toppled the ladder. Then two drum beats and an evil laughter and the black ball dissolved. "Into noble oblivion," I thought. I saw my neighbor, who had been so careful, half turn over in his fall as he smashed down on his wheelbarrow with a cracking sound, and what stuck to me was the unnatural position of his leg that, like that of a  play doll, was folded under him and his neck that pointed to his house in an impossible angle.

I ran back home and yelled at my wife, "Call an ambulance, the neighbor fell off the ladder," and I ran back to my negative neighbor. But I already saw it, a negative story would never pass his lips again.

San Daniel 2020

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08/01/2020 20:31

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