Do what you want

Door Elifdincer98 gepubliceerd in Persoonlijke ervaringen

When I was in my last year at secondary school, I had to decide where I was going next. I was 17 years old when I had to think about the answer to the question "what do you want to be?"

I was lost. I was lost, among all the universities and the options. I felt so confused, because I couldn’t find a solid answer to my questions. I was the only one in the class who didn’t know what to do. Everyone had a dream, whether it be becoming a nurse, a dietician, a midwife or an optician. Me? I was in the medical sector at the time, but I knew that wasn’t where I wanted to be.

Eventually, I found an option that I actually had not heard of before; family science. I was always interested in supporting families during difficult periods, so I decided to sign up to those classes!

The first day of my new adventure (studying family science) was not what I expected. After one lesson, I sent a message to my father saying, ‘This is not what I want! I’m going to search a new school’’. When I was back home, my father asked me, “Why do you want to change?”

I admit, I couldn’t give him any logical reason. But, I just had a feeling. You know when you have a feeling but you can’t explain what it is or why you feel that way? I decided to listen to those feeling and to find a new school, despite my father’s warnings.

With new school year already started, had to make a decision quick. I felt confused and overwhelmed all over again between all the universities. Whilst everyone was sleeping, I was in bed searching frantically for “the right choice”.

After three hard days, I decided to study pedagogy. I was not 100% sure, but I knew it was better than the previous option. The first few months I felt very good. But, as time passed, the more I felt lost again. I began asking myself the same questions again; "do I really want to do this?" Does this make me happy?"

And than, I asked myself a different question; What do I want? What makes me happy? What’s my dream?

After thinking and hard, I decided that pedagogy wasn’t something for me. But, I was scared. How would I tell my father that I made the wrong decision, again? How would my friends react?

Before I told my father, I spoke to my friends. Most of them were not supportive – I was disappointed by their reactions. "Are you serious?"Are you going to change again? Does you father know this -he will not be happy! All the work you’ve done this year... Was that all for 'nothing'?"

But there was just one friend – one friend who understood me.

He told me: "I know, there will be a lot of people who will tell you that you will lose one whole year, but don’t listen to them. You have to study something you like. You have to do something that makes you happy. A lot of people go through the same, so, what you feel right now is normal.”

I felt relieved after speaking to him. Just the fact I knew it was normal, helped me a lot. It gave me the courage to tell my father.

When I told to my father – he was very angry. And, admittedly, I was also angry at him, because, in the end, it was my life.

But, of course, he had his opinion – he was the one who would pay, so I could study. I felt bad because I had disappointed him. The lessons and internship became really intolerable. I sent an email to my tutor to ask if it was possible to unsubscribe for some subjects – we made an appointment.

"I know this subject isn’t what I want to do. I’m 100% sure that I want to unsubscribe, but my dad doesn’t know that I’m going to officially unsubscribe,” I told my tutor. My tutor answered: "Elif... You are the one who has study this subject, not your father. You don’t have to study something you don’t like. Your dad will not work in your place after three years – this is your life.”

Yeah, she was right!

I think we always forget that this life is our life. We always think about what others want, but we forget what we want. That day, I dropped Pedagogy. Now, I’m studying Sociology, and I can finally say, "This is what I want!"

I know a lot of students go through the same thing. So, I feel obliged to talk about this.

I want students, who are going through the same, to know that it is okay to not know what they want. It’s okay to change your options. It’s okay to be lost. It’s okay to not know what to do. It’s okay

21/12/2017 15:31

Reacties (0) 

Copyright © Alle rechten voorbehouden.
Door gebruik te maken van deze website geef je aan dat je onze Algemene voorwaarden en ons Privacy statement accepteert