Not The Wife Of....?

Door Stevie gepubliceerd in Relationship


I was walking down the street when I saw this beautiful bride and groom, they are so happy, laughing. She is beautiful in her soft silk white dress, and he’s so gorgeous with his three-piece suit. It was like their having a fairytale wedding. Everybody around them just happy, a perfect day.
Somehow, that picture, that perfect picture of them made me feel down, I feel a bit down. Not that I want to feel down, but I got this feeling as if I want to warn them about false hope.
I got this feeling every now and then especially when it gets to that word marriage. And that’s got nothing to do with other things that's got to do with woman at my age.
Woman at my age? What about it? Some of them at forty something, they just started with their life; some still do not know what they want to do. Some got divorce, and others just got married like that couple I just saw.

Get married, big wedding that are one of most important things, that has been written in every woman’s agenda. If you look at their list, these will be on the top ten of their list.
The dream of a fairytale wedding is in every woman. They want to be this princess, on that day. No wonder that some of them go to Pinterest and will gathered all the things that has to do with wonderful wedding.
Nevertheless, no one ever paid much attention on how the marriage should be. I would love to have a marriage like my grandmother. She really loves her husband, very much even after he died, she never remarried again. She said my vows to him were that I would love him until the day I died. I would not keep my promise if I marry someone else after he died.
That is what she believes. I respect it that much, that I never asked her again why she stayed so long on her own. She kept her promise to her husband, and she stayed alone until the day she died.
Off course, everybody have their own believes and their own opinion on life.
She got this fairytale marriage instead of fairytale wedding. Anyhow, it’s about why I feel a bit down when it comes to wedding and marriage. Maybe because my marriage was a bad one. Ended in a divorce, not that I regret it, but it made me cautious about commitment, especially marriage. That phrase, once bitten twice shy? It is really on me. I do believe in marriage. I still do. I do believe that is a great commitment, it is a seal of your love to one and another. However, it will turn into a jail sentence when it is not working.
And that thought, make me think a million times, before I said I do. I would rather be alone then saying I do and the next day I regret it. After my divorce, I see many things in many relationships that make me feel, that it is ok not to be in that position anymore. Not to be married. Like Halle Berry quotes, maybe I have bad taste when it comes to men.

But why do I feel down, that is still the question. Not that I am jealous. Hey it'll be better them than me. I am not jealous at all. I have been there. And, I am glad I am out. I'm down maybe because it's often enough we all and also the media paint this beautiful picture of a wedding, that on that day everything should be perfect and gorgeous. Just take a look how many wedding planner nowadays are? They making big business out of it, they got paid to create this fairytale wedding, but do they ever stop and think or even talk to the couple if they really need that kind of wedding? Some people jump of into this idea to have a million euro's wedding, but they don't have any clue about what a marriage really are. People should what they getting into. Don't just walk into it blind folded and expecting that it will be just fine if we jump into it.

I am right now, nobody’s wife. Now that is something that makes me laugh. And someone just notice that, he tap on my shoulder.
“See something funny?” it’s one of the doctors working at the hospital. It seems like me he got to park his car somewhere else.
“No, just some thought that brighten my day!” he walked next to me. Trying to catch my pace. “ Hey slow down a bit! Are you always walked so fast? I'm kind a old you know”
“Can’t keep up with me? I will slow down a bit for your sake!" and I laugh as I see him do the walk of an old man.
“What are you laughing about, just yet?”
“About the fact that I’m not married!”
“Some other woman would cry about the fact that they are not married yet, and you laugh about it?”
“Will it make me complete if I’m married? Nope. Will I be a different person if I married? Nope!”
“If marriage will not change you, so why are you afraid to get married?”
“I’m not afraid, I’m more happy on my own. Can you say that you are happy in your marriage?”
“Hey, I'm on my own remember?”
“And yes, I was not happy in that marriage! I could be happy if I marry someone like you!”
I laugh out loud, yeah right, not a chance buddy! “ Well tell me, do I have that husband material in me in your eyes?” he asked me bluntly
“How much time do you got?”
“Time in the world sweetheart!”
I look at him. “ Can you just be a friend?”
“Yes I can!”
“You said that very fast, not even thinking!”
“I don’t need to think, I know I can! And the thing is I can change your mind one day”
“Could you show some understanding if I’m running around busy with the things I love so much, maybe never have the time for you?”
“I can do that, it’s ok I’m busy too!”
I look at him straight in his eyes. “Could you care enough for me and not to try to catch me and put me in that cage of marriage? Because I value my freedom, like you love your freedom. Guys talked so much about wanting to have a wife, but when they got married suddenly they longing their freedom again. Would you give me some freedom to do the things I love, or would you try to change me, to mold me to make me a good housewife? Don't marry someone because society says marriage is a good thing and then later on you run of with the first woman you saw at the bar because you're having an argument with your wife at home. Do you have the guts to take it on with your wife when things really looking bad for the two of you because of any other reason? Do you have the guts to settle it with her instead of signing yourself on a datingsite and pretending to be single?” He looks at me, and could not answer that one.

“And that is what most could not accept, the fact that I would rather be alone, then to be pin down to a life like that. I cannot live like that. I will couldn't; A relationship is a challenge, you must always work on your relationship if you want to have a great relationship or marriage. But if your relationship is no good, What would you do then? When I was young, I thought about being somebody’s wife, unfortunately that dream burst like a bubble. And I realize it was all fantasy. Like my first marriage, it was all a fantasy, make believe!”
I don’t know if he really understand what I feel or what I think. I do hope so. As for now the thought about being nobody’s wife, it is appealing more than ever. Don't get me wrong I do care so much about being loyal to the person we call as our husband or wife , in that part maybe I am old school. But I do believe being loyal to the husband or wife doesn't mean that you have to give up your freedom. But somehow, sometimes we use that terms freedom for all the wrong reason, which made the situation quite complicated. As for now, it's ok to be alone, it's ok not to be married, it's ok to have a life that you really love the way you want it. Anyway, have a great life my friends, each of you on your own way.

15/05/2017 16:50

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