The Last Exit To Eden

Door Stevie gepubliceerd in Persoonlijke ervaringen

This the title of a song. Last exit to Eden. At times I felt that way. Some of my friends knows that I am a divorcee. Twice. It seems I always find the wrong love. At least that's what my friends told me. 'No worries Stevie, it wasn't your fault. It's the wrong love'. Is there ever the right one?

How can I recognize the right love? How can each of us recognize the right one? How do you call it, Mr. Right? Miss. Right? Am I Miss. Right? I really don't know. Sometimes it feels like that I miss every chance to be happy. True, you can expect that other will makes you happy. You need to be happy with yourself. Accepting yourself as you. Happy with your flaws, your mistakes, your deep dark secret. Accepting it and comfortable with it because it is YOU. 

For that part, I am happy with myself. My flaws, my mistakes and my ugly deep dark secret. It is me, that's what's makes me who I am. Or maybe I am a too high maintenance person? Naaah, I don't ask much. I only ask respect, appreciation and loyalty. I guess I'm too old school, to ask for LOYALTY.

Nowadays cheating is something that you can't say as a sin. Oh no bad Stevie, why did you say that? I guess I must not say that, because cheating, second love is something normal. You even a special site for this. Not happy with your partner? Why worry? Sign yourself into one of this site, everything will be ok. The thing is, if it's really ok, then why sign in with a nickname, why conceal yourself under this different name, different birth day, different profile picture and even different place? Why not playing it straight? Why so old school to keep it secret? 

I was married twice, and both ended in a divorce. Because apparently both of my ex-file (if you got divorce, you have these documents about your divorce paper, and everything about your life with this person ended and summon up in a few pages of papers from your lawyer, I called it ex-file) find it quite difficult to be with someone that is in their eyes too confident. 

Excuse me? Hah..yes you read it right. I'm too confident, I'm too independent. I manage on my own. Too self-reliance. Is it wrong? Is it a taboo to be a self-reliance person? Does it mean that I love them less? No. I love them both with whole my heart.  

But I'm just not that kind of woman who cling to her man in every option. I like my freedom to the things I love with my friends, and other people. In a way I gave him also the freedom to spend his time with his friends. It doesn't mean that it is ok to use that freedom to cheat. Am I wrong to give them the freedom inside the relationship?

I guess I am. Go figure!

13/05/2017 21:14

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