What About Sexless Marriages?

Door Stevie gepubliceerd in Relationship

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Yes what about it? We read about it, talk about it, maybe even heard about it. Friend of a friend having it. It is surprisingly common, it isn't something that you haven't heard it before. It estimate between 15 to 20 percent of marriages are sexless. These are carefully estimated in 2012.

Kind of sad to know that. So what happen?

KIDS

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It started of course with full of hope, you fall in love, you decided to live together for awhile and then yeah why not? Let's get married. All the rush of planning the wedding, so excited. And after the wedding it comes the announcement of the expecting parents ' We are pregnant ' (or you're already pregnant before the wedding), either way the stress level started.

Preparing your nest, from the crib till all plans whether you're coming back to work after the baby born and thinking about the financial state when it comes to 'oh yeah we need a bigger house'. It all boils down into this huge package that even the stork wouldn't able to carry it in their beaks. However, there is no such thing as we're backing down, it all need to be there before the baby arrives. The stress level elevated.

When the baby is born, there's this new title that you got. Parents. With it, all the things that you read in a book, now you need to put it in action. Yes, graduation day. Congratulation, oh how can I hear the difference between crying because the baby is hungry or because of pain? How do I know if it's warm enough in the baby's room? I didn't hear the baby breathing, is it okay to put the crib in our bedroom? How do I know if the baby have enough to drink, do I produce enough milk for my baby? And all the other 10.000 questions that you can't answer. That is not including another 10.000 and maybe more all tips and advice from mother, grandmother, auntie, neighbour, friends and oh not forgetting the internet that you need to consider and compare it, which advice is better. What is good for the baby.

The exhaustion of midnight feeding, lack of sleep, and also constantly worrying about whether you're doing a good job with the baby or not takes it's toll. And then there is another child that's need attention (oh yes you have one, your husband). Because then it's already six weeks and maybe more, and it started nagging him about something. He is missing that cuddling, and kissing that will lead to your pregnancy in the first place. So you started to say no softly. And softly he understand. All of the reason above, yeah..I couldn't be a son of a bitch to pursue this on her. Let's wait.

THE WAITING GAME

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And it started. The waiting, waiting till the time is right. Waiting till the baby sleeps longer and much better. Waiting till her body back to normal again (read: pregnancy fat gone, and not feeling like milk factory, feel sexy again) and in the meantime the baby still need a lot of attention. Between sexy lingerie and big comfy t-shirt, you chose the last one. Between your sexy pump and slippers, you chose the slippers. At times this old comfy fluffy socks. When was the last time you visit the hairdresser? Could it be somewhere in the 80's? At least that's how you feel. And then all those pictures and article on internet about how celebreties loss their pregnancy fat within weeks, is not encouraging. It only makes you more unsexy, and when you look into your closet, there are many dresses and jeans which you ask yourself, 'I wear that? I own a skinny jeans?' Becoming depress about it, you run to the most delicious and no judgment chocolate bar. You got your fix!

And he? Ah yes, you gave him something. A quick one to make him not nagging at you anymore, and let's face it you are also felt guilty to let him wait. But then the frequency is getting longer. The between time is longer. You found many reason to justify this is how it is. One of you started to lost interest in sex. 

Of course these are not the main reason, to have a sexless marriages. Not only because of having children. There are couples without children which is entering this phase of their marriage and in their case, because they don't care anymore. She got a good job, good salary and he excellent position in an International company. Their work demand their attention and separated them in so many ways that they couldn't find the way back. But they got quite comfortable that they are able to do many things freely, so why change the subject? Years gone by and they are still together, it becomes like brother and sister, living under one roof and sleeping in one bed. 

THIS IS IT?

Well, for some yes. For others this is where it got worse, he would look outside the marriage and have fun with other woman and this will go on and on untill she found out and from this point it can go either way; others will have the guts to talk about it, seek help and change their life for the better, or cut their losses and move on, say good bye and wish the other a better life. Or it changed the whole chemistry, both agree on open marriage. 

Some will talk about it but there is no change, again they landed on that waiting game. Waiting who will make the first move. If you found yourself in this situation, have comfort that you are not the only one. It is up to you how you want to approach this situation. It is not satisfying, not for either of you. Take it to the next level? Then choose, which one. Choose wisely!

03/05/2017 00:38

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