Full Circle

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Full Circle

I was stuck.

Stuck in a routine. stuck in self criticism.

It was that gut feeling.

That energy within.

It was an energy, feeling I could not resist. I had to go.

It made me plan for an eight month solo adventure.

To see, explore, learn, grow.

The Start — Different aims while travelling

My first two months were all about getting out of my comfort zone. seeing that what I thought and made me scared was not so scary at all.

The third month I made a shift. I gradually went down the happiness and gratefulness path. Learning to be positive in all situations and grateful for the things I have. I met people that taught me these important aspects of life and how being open changes perspectives.

Travelling longer and learning and growing I ended up throwing myself down the self improvement path. Thinking about and reflecting on every aspect of my life and how I can “Improve” these. Expecting, wishing, hoping that when I came back I would be “better” and I would “do something with my life”. Grabbing all opportunities and acting/learning/growing every day because this is the only life I have.

The Middle — starting to see

I wanted this so badly. I wanted to be better because I hated the person who I was before. I thought about old habits and wanted to acquire new and better habits. I wanted to force change from the aspect that the old was bad. I did not see what good there was already inside because I was always comparing. Thinking I was never good enough. I did not see because I was closed up. Closed for myself. Not feeling. Seeing.

I attended a 10 day Vipassana and started learning about meditation, thoughts, the ego, and sensing energy inside. I slowly started to become aware of my thoughts, letting go of the self critic and became aware of my emotions and habits. Very slowly I started to appreciate who I am. I could be who I always was but was so scared to be before. I stopped fighting and an inner peace entered. I was full, whole. I stopped condemning my “bad” habits and was one with myself. By being myself around people I could see that who I am is already good enough.

Full Circle

I (and you) don’t have to change because I am not good enough. I grow from experience. but I cannot force myself to change who I am. though habits are changeable. The old ones are engrained in our subconscious. becoming aware of the subconscious helps “clearing” habits and “making room” for new ones. But this should never be done from the aspect that you are not good enough.

What this trip made me realise is that self acceptance is key.

If you accept and fully appreciate who you are today. You can be grateful for everything that has happened in the past. Especially the bad. For they made you into the person who you are today.

Remind yourself this often.

03/06/2016 15:24

Reacties (2) 

06/06/2016 11:50
06/06/2016 12:19
Dankje! :)
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